Author: Marc

I have signed up for a graduate class. I took most of the prerequisites during the Bush presidency. The first Bush presidency. Bush, Sr.'s presidency. It took me hours to figure out and complete the first "brush up" assignment. I may be past my expiration date for mathematics. As I will probably be spending most of my free time sobbing in the corner, I will probably not be doing much writing for a few months.


My academic peak.

If you would like to aid me, please direct all prayers to Thor. I'm not really up my Norse theology, but I'm pretty sure Thor would be pro Math-smiting. That is to say that I imagine Thor hates math. He probably doesn't hate math to the extent of the main Christian god, but at least he looks cool. There's a reason that Thor made it as a comic book hero and YHWH (I will assume it is pronounced Yoohoo) didn't.


Not pictured: celestial peeping Tom.

Aside from Yoohoo's general douchiness, superheroes don't wear sandals or togas. And they don't look like Santa Claus's less corpulent sibling. Thor fought mighty battles against terrifying enemies. Yoohoo, on the other hand, spent all his free time micromanaging the affairs of a minor tribe of semi-literates in a worthless patch of dirt near the Jordan river.


Look! Malachi is touching himself again! Such a smiting he has earned...

More specifically, he had an inordinate interest in where they did and did not stick their naughty bits. Come to think of it, ALL the Christian gods suck. Even Satan, the supposed bad guy, his whole schtick was turning into a talking snake.


Shown: Satan's entire répertoire.

Batman had a bigger bag of tricks and he didn't even have any superpowers! And Jesus? He can heal minor injuries and bring back exactly one person from the dead? His lifetime record could get beat by a competent paramedic on a busy night! Oh, but Jesus has wrath, let's not forget that. For whom? Let me think ... Oh, right, moneychangers. And also a fig tree.


They had it coming.

When you're going to bring the fury, go all in. On moneychangers.

Worst.

Jewxploitation film.

Ever.

Author: Marc

Image from Toxipedia.

I ran into this picture today. It has Greek writing on it, so I have to assume it is from the bible. I consider myself an educator of sorts, and feel compelled to instruct the unlearned. But my scripture knowledge is pretty rusty, and I don’t recall this scene. In the pursuit of spreading the work, however, I’ll piece it together by mostly making it up. Like most Christians. Here goes:

Easter had come and gone. Jesus had already performed his yet-to-be-replicated dying-undying trick, as well and whatever unholy things he did to rabbits and chickens. It was Memorial Day weekend, and the Big Four (as the Apostles called them, because it is preferable to “The Four Donkeymen”) decided to head out to the Sea of Galilee for some fishing. They were just getting the whole Christianity thing going. This mostly involved drawing bad caricatures and working on their book called The Protocols of the Young Whippersnappers of Zion. This trip was to teach them much. They were just becoming wise to their incompetence as fishermen, absent divine help.

In this idyllic setting, they were to encounter an enemy even slightly eviler than the Jews: atheists. From the illustration, we see that the men in the boat on the left are clearly atheists. The baleful expression on the aftermost sailor bespeaks the blackened soul bereft of joy that we know all atheists possess. Next to him, sporting a shield with a flower on it (doesn’t even try to hide it, does he?) is, well, one of those people. The bearded individual in the forward section closest to the mast seems to have elbow-patches. The fact that he doesn’t seem to be doing anything useful confirms his identity as a Liberal Arts Professor. The two-headed Darwin-Poe beast watches cynically as the scientist (who seems to have become a part of the ship) , without any moral compass, proceeds to flambé the Big Four with Greek fire while apparently giving a talk.

Then the atheists left, possibly to drink the blood of newborn children.

Oh, and the Gospel Guys probably got resurrected or something.


The presence of John was really appreciated when Luke's IBS was acting up.

Author: Marc

I was cleaning up my office on Friday, and discovered some interesting things. I often write on airplanes. I physically write with a pen on paper in neat cursive. I know it sounds quaint, but I am at a phase in my life where long flights are as close as I ever get to solitude. Anyway, I found this little piece on the reverse side of a document I was feeding into the shredder:

In as much as the United States of America is a Christian nation, etc. It shall be ordained that the First Amendment of the Constitution be amended as follows:

1. The Congress shall select one of the following as the official religion of the Nation:

a. Roman Catholicism - as the denomination with the most adherents, this is a reasonable candidate. Of course many might take exception to "foreign" intervention. Then, however, the case could be made that the Supreme Court is already controlled by the Catholic Church.

b. Southern Baptist - the second largest denomination is the collected Baptists. Since the Southern Baptist Convention is almost uniquely organized and completely American, this would be a great choice.

c. The dark horse candidate would be the Mormon religion. Although it is much smaller than the other candidates, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints brings several strengths to the table: the LDS Church controls a fabulous amount of money as well as direct control of a number of powerful corporations and an entire state. The LDS Church has a long history of and a great deal of experience in theocracy. There is a reason that Mormons are greatly overrepresented in local, state, and national government. It is only fair to give some consideration to those who have put so much time and effort into preparations for exactly the sort of theocracy we need. It should be noted as well that the Mormon religion is the only powerful modern religion created in America.

2. Once the official state religion is chosen, all elected officials will be given the opportunity to meet Church-ordained requirements for holding public office.

3. For a period of not less than one year,

Author: Marc

The overwhelming majority of Teabaggers would consider me something of an immigrant. I have been researching family records lately and can point to ancestors on both my maternal and paternal lines that were born in the U.S. prior to the Civil War. Family lore puts the first progenitor of my mother's maiden name in Florida, New Spain in the 1500s. The records of that line so far dried up about the same time as the others. The continuous line that I can trace back to the original Spaniards didn't first enter the U.S. until about 1908. Still, I have to wonder what fraction of Teabaggers with a shorter history in the country consider people like me foreigners.

Perhaps I should look to their view of African Americans. The kidnapping or purchase of people from Africa to be sold in the U.S. as slaves was outlawed as of 01 JAN 1808. So the majority of black Americans can claim American roots stretching back to Colonial times. Yet for some reason I see relatively few black people sporting tri-corner hats among the Teabaggers. I wonder why that is.

My wife's grandfather was born in the U.S. in 1899, but moved back to the old country. What does that mean with regard to wingnut wackiness threatening to disallow citizenship for people born in this country to non-white non-American parents?

Author: Marc

It's true. About a decade and a half ago when I was in the Army, I worked out with a co-worker in the Air Force. The AF facilities were much nicer than the Army facilities (if you have ever been in the military, then you know this is the case approximately 100% of the time), so I would give him a ride home after our shift and we would go to the gym for a couple of hours. One day we were in the midst of a hardcore upper body workout. I had a 105 lb dumbbell in each hand, I was on the flat bench, and the gym sounds system was booming with this:



I was in the zone, and my partner was yelling and I could feel every muscle in my chest and arms straining. Every tendon was pulled taut and the sweat was burning my eyes as I pushed through another rep. Then mid sentence, the voice of LL Cool J was abruptly cut off and replaced with this:



Like probably everyone else in the gym, we simply stopped. After a second of near-perfect silence (excepting, of course, the voice of Minnie Riperton), my partner burst into uncontrolled laughter. Instead of spotting me, he was bent over convulsing. I quickly lost concentration, and couldn't maintain the two 105 lb weights in my extended arms. I suddenly lost all strength in my arms and the weights came crashing down. They bounced so hard off my chest that I lost my grip, sending them flying to the sides of my bench. I rolled off the bench, coughing and laughing, and struggling to breathe. I was incensed, but also overtaken with the hilarity of the music choice. I tried to yell at the young woman running the sound system, but it came out as garbled pained laughter and slight insanity. When my partner informed her that no person in the history of the human culture would consider "Loving You" appropriate background music for weight lifting, she replied "We have to cater to all of our patrons, so we play a variety of music." And that is how music almost killed me.

Author: Marc

Most of what I say is the kind of stuff I (and probably few others) find amusing. Occasionally, I write something to which some people may take offense. I hate tiptoeing around topics out of the fear that someone might take offense with regard to a controversial (or just stupid) subject.

Some people ask non-believers why we would want to get together with others non-believers, since non-belief lacks most of the trappings of organized belief. Hurt feelings. I hate having to keep my mouth shut about the sorts of stupid bullshit that no sane person could believe. Like homeopathy. Or the Holocaust. OK. Not the Holocaust, but I brought that up because I was just thinking of it. I left a comment at My Old Kentucky Homesite referring to one of the architects of the Holocaust. It had popped into my head, but I hesitated out of habit.

Some people get really bent out of shape at what they see as trivializing the Holocaust, 9/11, the rape of Nanjing, Deep South lynchings, etc. Part of the reason I like to hang out with skeptics and atheists, both on the intertubes and in meatspace (Isn't that a great word? I learned it from some geeks I know) is that we aren't easily offended. Sure, we can listen to offensive crap like the wink-wink nudge-nudge racism seen at the Teabagger events. We can shake our heads as Christian Identity types espouse the "law and order" justification for the KKK that is as valid now as it was when Birth of a Nation was in theaters. I sit through all kinds of stupid Jesus crap because I have a high threshold for bullshit. That includes plenty of offensive religious bullshit. I'm sure there are exceptions, but the typical skeptic doesn't tend to storm out of a room in a huff. Not over hurt feelings, anyway. For me, if I leave anything, it is mostly that I feel I have nothing to gain from remaining. That is one reason I seek out others of "my kind."

Author: Marc

I have been in the Shenandoah Valley, admiring the natural beauty of the state. More important than its natural beauty, though, this state is also the burial place of Saint Robert E. Lee and Saint Stonewall Jackson. I assume that is more important, as there are far more reminders in every gift shop and museum.



I wonder if the state's new tourism motto, "Virginia is for Lovers" has been tied to these long dead Confederate generals in any way. Creepy. Anyway, I have now seen the light. The years of not believing ridiculous recycled desert fairy tales has come to an abrupt end in God's country. The turning point?

The Natural Bridge.



But all that secular ordinariness must give way to the magic of Jesutude. In the evening, we are treated to a reading of the first Creation story from the Book of Genesis, King James Version, accompanied by lighting on the Natural Bridge:

1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
1:2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
1:3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
1:4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
1:5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
1:6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
1:7 And God made the firmament and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
1:8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
1:9 And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
1:10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.
1:11 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
1:12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
1:13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.
1:14 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
1:15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
1:16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
1:17 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,
1:18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
1:19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

1:20 And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.
1:21 And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
1:22 And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.
1:23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
1:24 And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
1:25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
1:29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
1:30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.
1:31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.